Thursday, September 30, 2004

cant get over it

man this is bullshit its fuckin almost 8 and shit and its fuckin dark this is bullshit but i like it anit it just a bitch what a pain what left to do but complaine better find someone to blame man i have been fuckin thinkin a lot the last couple days and shit and well i dont like it i am startin to remeber why i stopped carein and shit but it just kinda snuck up behind me and shit and now im fuckin all depressed and shit again i didnt wanna do this again but i can feel it comein and well i dont like it but it has to happen.....................................................

man i got to go to court

man i got to go to coutrt in lke 20 mins and shit this sucks i am fuckin tired and shit i think when im done im gonna come home and go back to bed fuckin today is gonna be bad my fuckin sister went to the hospital this monin and shit and i got to go to court this day blows ass so fuck it im outta here

Wednesday, September 29, 2004

i need a blank cd

billy talent: voices of violence
billy talent: try honesty
billy talent: lies
the used: the taste of ink
story of the year: and the hero will drown
nirvana: half the man i used to be
ok go: get over it
element eighty: texas crys
yellowcard: firewater
rooney: im a terrible person
element eighty: broken promises
billy talent: the ex
blink 182: i miss you
dropkick murphys: the dirty glass
story of the year: falling down
chevelle: vitamin r
kottonmouth kings: angry youth
joe walsh: lifes been good to me so far
zug izland: fire
kottonmouth kings: bad habbits

yea that will be the shit cd its gonna fuckin rock some serious ass i cant wait to get a blank cd so i can burn that

voices of violence

man i can tell already im not gonna like today at all im fuckin tired and shit and im kinda mad i scrated my knees they bleed forgive me father im such a bother try honesty try honesty cry over me cry over me man i think im gonna just sit around all day

what wrong wit you i say unto you he ded

ok man this is bullshit my fuckin room is like 10 degrees and shit and i think im gettin sick sleepin in ther but ehh fuck it i dont care mayve i will die that would be cool

man come on

man this is bullshit i wanted to see alex and i dont think that she is gonna come over tonite and if she dose then im gonna have to fuckin go all the way across town to see her and shit and its fuckin cold and shit outside its gonna be fuckin winter soon then i get to snowboard

lucky im saine after all that ive been threw i cant complaine but sometimes i still do lifes been good to me so far

thats a lyric out of a song that was like my theme when i was bakein cooks i just wanna give a shout out to orrin whats happinin dawg

i dont know what im gonna do i might be able to sleep soon but i dont know i didnt really sleep last nite it fuckin sucked i kept thinkin about shit i dont like thinkin anymore i just keep doin it and it sucks ass

im gonna download some shit now peace out

man aint noone carein

i want to beleave that noone cares about me so dont fuck it up ok i hate me and everyone else should too this is bullshit i dont like it when people care about me cuse then i just got to worrie about hurtin them and shit if they dont care about me i dont care about them so it works kinda i dont care tho i just dont want anyone carein for me at all so dont fuckin tell me if you do and if you do tell me i will take it as and attak on my life and it will be on

Tuesday, September 28, 2004

FIRE BABY DONT YOU KNOW WHO WE ARE yea im fuckin bored i think im gonna go skateboardin here in a bit but im not sure if i should eat or not cuze if i do im gonna get lazy but yea i dont know why i am even writein in here i dont have anything to say im just kinda be dumb and shit fuck it i dont care im so fuckin board rite now but i dont really wanna get up and do anything so im writein in my blog and shit O FUCK yea im downloadin some videos and shit yea im a nerd so im done here im gonna...BE GONE

my mom talked to sara

ok well my mom talked to sara tonite about me and shit sara was all tellin my mom i was goin after some girls when we was goin out and shit i dont think i was and if i was i am fuckin dumb but fuck it sara said she was gonna call me sometime so that will be kool if she dose man thats just one more fuckin reason fer me to get a job and shit so i can get a car and get the fuck outta here

you left me here beside myself left me with all the reasons i was wrong fer you

fight fight fight cuse we are the angry youth

man this is fuckin bullshit im pissed at alot of things i dont know why but im just kinda mad i hope that if sara calls im not in a bad mood or that could end bad so if she dose call im gonna have to try to be in a good mood or atleast be able to fake it damn man everytime shit gets simple it gets fucked up man

sara or alex sara or alex sara or alex sara or alex sara or alex sara or alex sara or alex sara or alex man this is fucked up i dont know who i want damn i was like all obsessed with sara for a long time and now i dont know what to do with alex everything is easy and not complicated but with sara everything is complicated i know what i am gonna do if sara calls i will see whats happinin in her life and then maybe we will hang out and shit and well im just gonna have to take things slow and shit and if not then i can keep it simple with alex i wonder if that sounds bad if it dose then fuck im sorry but in my head it kinda works

wher are you and im so sorry i can not sleep i can not dreams tonite i need somebodie and always

man

FUCK

rehab at work

i guess it was ment to be
romance is myzery
so much for memories
and now im headin to the penitentry
see me on tv
the next cop series
i am a danger
i guess i should have done something about my anger
but ill never learn
real things i dont concerne
ill pour kerosene
on everthing i love
and watch it burn
i know its my fault
but i wasnt happy it was over
she threw a fit so i crashed that peice of shit nova

just as lost as a human can be and im thinkin again
and im thinkin again
and im drinkin again
lookin for things to do to pass the time and becomein one of the others workin playin its all just bullshit

fuck cuttin a line stick a straw in the bag and do it all at one time
my addiction makes me piss on floors and go home wit scabby whores

the neighbors know im crazy
my mom thinks im lazy
and i just slapped the fuck outta some lady
goin in and out of treatment
cuze my lifs so sicking
but it dont matter cuse nuttin matches my addiction

big dick in your mouth all day now thats love
i can hold a ciggerette between my nuts and smoke it wit my butt
now thats love


would you like me to buff your ass
cum in your whine glass
if you feel that i love you
i promise you it wont last

can i put my toe in your booty

you aint never seen a ride like this since the last issue of that car magazine you damn damn freak

i want to slap your pussy with this big dick in your mouth all day


Monday, September 27, 2004

i miss you

WHAT YEA WELL FUCK YOU YEA FUCK YOU MUTHA FUCKAS

felling the demons pullin on my body im just gonna let go

ok man i dont know whats happinin im fuckin tired and shit i didnt wanna get outta bed today but i just couldnt sleep no more i got up at like 230 it was cool i fuckin slept all nite and shit i havent done that in a long ass time i think it was cuse i wasnt thinkin about alot of things

element eighty : texas cries

^everyone should download this song ^

but yea i think im gonna try to find some money but i dont think i will so fuck im gonna go get some ciggerettes and shit

yellow card : firewater

^everyone sould have this song too^


i need money im gonna have to get a job like a fuckin loser

fuckin jobs why cant people just give me money for nuttin

but yea fuck it im outta here peace out people

HEY YOU WHAT YOU GONNA DO WHEN YOUR BACKS AGAINST THE WALL FIGHT FIGHT FIGHT

i need pot

ok people can live for now

yea i saw alex tonite it was great i needed to see her or i was gonna freak but im fine now i guess for awhile yea im fuckin eatin now and shit im gonna get fat i know it but well fuck it i dont care no more or at least im tryin not to care i was never good at good bye can i swallow this bottle whole so this brain inside my head can forget your face firewater is the shit but yea im fuckin done i just wanted to say i saw alex

Sunday, September 26, 2004

man thats fuckin bullshit

man this morning i woke up to masen tellin me alex was at his house so i got up and shit then when i got ther she wasnt ther it was ali it was fuckin bullshit man but i think i might get to see her tonite like after i get ahold of her and find out when is a good time to come over and shit i hope i get to see her tonite if not i am gonna fuckin freak out i was about to go on an asswhoopin spree last nite and shit cuse i didnt get to see alex and ther were people around like downtown so i figured that i should beat them all down and shit cuze i didnt get to see alex and they were ther so they need to get fucked up man im in a bad mood now this is fucked up

why did you leave me i thought you said you loved me i though you said you needed me i guess i was wrong...!!WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU LOVED ME I THOUGHT YOU SAID YOU NEEDED ME I GUESS I WAS WRONG!!

and another thing that has been pissin me off is i started to think about kd again i am prolly gonna get all depressed and shit and start cuttin again i kinda started cuttin again like i try to get others to cut me so i dont then well fuck it im prolly gonna cut alot again like all the time and shit im just gonna freak out and go off on myself and anyone else i feel like goin off on

im gonna over come this paper harts cant win this time and all along i should have known this wanst your dream it was mine i know you wanted me to give up this life to be everything i was back when you held the hand my hart was in i was never good at good bye...can i swallow this bottle whole so this brain in my head can forget your face can i swallow this bottle whole cuse i would rather be dead than make more mistakes

you left me here beside myself left me with all the rasons i was wrong for you

man this is fuckin bullshit i hate everything about this and everything else im just full of hatred for everything and everyone

Saturday, September 25, 2004

i dont know why you run away when i need you

can you hear the sound of me fallin to the ground cuse i need you now why did you leave me i though you said you loved me i thought you said you needed me i guess i was wrong thats straight the fuck up how i feel rite now i dont even wanna bitch about it not rite now fuck this im fuckin out of here

Friday, September 24, 2004

finaly i went to jail

yea me and masen went to jail whats up im so not cool ha ha ha that was fun tho i kinda liked bein ther it was kool im gonna try to get a joint fer the guy i was sharin a cell wit it was funny they segragated masen from us but it was cool we still talked like most of the nite then they went to bed i stayed up all nite thinkin about shit and yea im done here im out this shit

Thursday, September 23, 2004

yea well im drunk and i need to get high

YEAH i dont know i just wanted to say that i am drunk its cool i wanna see alex even more than ever but i dont think that im gonna get to go to cushin tonite and if i do it will be the shit i wanna see alex but im gonna listen to the song i miss you and then leave yea im the mutha fuckin shit fucker thats fuckin bullshit im outta here

dont waste your time on me your already a voice inside my head

my body hurts

man this is bullshit it hurts to move and shit and i didnt sllep well last nite it was bullshit man this is fuckin dont know im tired still i might go and lay down some more

well damn man fuck

tonite when masen and i were skatein i learned how to do a 180 well kinda i can land a couple of them but not many i landed one of a curb it was kool it was the shit but yea i missed gettin to talk to alex and shit so now its not that great thats fuckin bullshit man im outta here

man im not leavein yet i gotta stay on fer awhile to see if she gets on but yea i dont know so i think im gonna go and download some shit

peace dawg

Wednesday, September 22, 2004

crap screamer

CRAP!!! i got to go to a job interveiw soon if my sister didnt forget me im gonna call her she better not have left me ill be pissed if i have to get a differnt job

i think she left me here and went to aurila

FUCK YEA I AM GONNA SEE ALEX ON FRIDAY I CANT WAIT

fuck it im out

bad habbits

your better than me your really better than you cant be better than me i never wanted to be i aint shit so fuck myself im just nothing never be nothing so fuck myself everybodie out ther talkin about nuttin who the fuck called me and woke me up i didnt sleep last nite it was bullshit i brag and bost about nuttin death dieing and hoes fuckin

man hell yea its dry outside im gonna go skate sometime i have to go to aurila at like 2 to see if i can get a job i need a job so i can get a new deck man this is bullshit theis bad habbits are mine to quit

ok then im gonna download some fuckin musik ther aint shit happin rite now so fuck it im out

Tuesday, September 21, 2004

man

im fuckin tired this day is gonna suck ass i can just tell already ha ha ha some street in cherokee is closed becuase ther is too much water on it fuckin loser ass town all fuckin worried about cars gettin wet thats fuckin dumb well i am spost to go see alex later i hope i can that would be cool shit but i prolly wont be able to i dont know tho i might it all depends

but yea im done here im just wastein time so fuck it im out

whop whop

yea now thats what im talkin about man tonite me and masen was tearin shit up on our skateboards then webb showed up and he was bustin some shit too it was great like we went all over and hit some getto old school skate spots it was good lol smell my finger lol ha ha ha god i need to go to bed fuckin pills all makin me fuckin dumb so fuck it im out this bitch






i jumped outta bed better than yesterday im so fuckin freash i think ill bloody a mess today

JASON'S FAMOUS QUOTE

"THATS FUCKIN BULLSHIT, IM OUTTA HERE"
ha ha ha thats the greatest line ever ha ha ha



yea im dumb i know

but yea like jason would say "thats fuckin bullshit im outta here"

ALL OF ME ARE GONNA FIGHT

DOUGH: ahhhh yea well fuck you bitch

JEFF: no man i dont need this

DOUGH: quit fuckin whinein you little bitch

JEFF: fuck you man

DOUGH: ha is that the best you got you fuckin bloody cum encrusted fuckin tampon

CLOWN: hey just leave him alone or i will get in this too

DOUGH: yea well you can go fuck yourself its not your problem

CLOWN: well im makin it my problem

JEFF: no man i dont need you to help

CLOWN: well thats fuckin tuff i dont like this fuck...he needs to die

DOUGH: i need to die no bitch you need to die come here

CLOWN: im rite here nigger what you gonna do

DOUGH: ill fuckin kill this fool

JEFF: then we all die

CLOWN: I DONT CARE HE NEEDS TO DIE

JEFF: but if we die you die too

CLOWN: sometime you gotta lose to win

JEFF: sometimes you just gotta swallow your pride and leave

DOUGH: YEA WELL THATS FUCKIN BITCH TALK

JEFF: come on man i dont wanna die

DOUGH: MAN SHUT THE FUCK UP

CLOWN: YEA FUCK YOU

FREAK: THATS FUCKIN RITE SISSY

JEFF: man why dose everyone hate me

CLOWN: cuze your a fuckin pussy ass

FREAK: hey hes not all worthless he dose get some wemon

DOUGH: SO FUCKIN WHAT HE DONT GET MANY

JEFF: well i get enuf fer me to be happy

CLOWN: MAN FUCK BEIN HAPPY NOONE IS REALLY HAPPY THEY ARE JUST BETTER AT FAKIN IT THAN OTHERS

JEFF: yea well what about...

DOUGH: SHUT UP YOUR FUCKIN DONE TALKIN

JEFF: ok............

DOUGH: SEE YOUR A FUCKIN BITCH

JEFF: ..........

CLOWN: SAY SOMETHING DEFEND YOURSELF

JEFF: ...........

FREAK: FUCK YOU

JEFF: just fuckin leave me be!

DOUGH: O O IS THE BABY GETTIN MAD....HEY EVERYONE LOOK AT THE BABY HES GONNA CRY

JEFF: im not gonna cry im just gonna go

FREAK: NO YOUR GONNA GO AND CRY LIKE A LITTLE BITCH

JEFF: dont fuckin call me a bitch or i will leave forever than you will be the weak one and everyone will pick on you and make you wanna die and kill all of us

FREAK: HEY DONT PUT ME IN THE SAME CATAGORY THAT YOU ARE IN IM BETTER THAN YOU LITTLE BITCH

DOUGH: THATS RITE ME TOO

CLOWN: WELL I DONT THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES TO KILL YOURSELF YOUR A BITCH

JEFF: no im not..... just leave me alone please befor i get mad

DOUGH: O THEN WHAT YOU GONNA GO AND CRY LIKE A LITTLE BITCH

JEFF: ALRITE THATS IT I CANT TAKE THIS NO MO FUCK ALL OF YOU THAT AINT DOWN WITH ME JUST CUSE I CARE EVERYONE HATES ME.....

DOUGH: THATS FUCKIN RITE NOONE LIKES YOU

CLOWN: BUT ITS NOT CUSE YOU CARE ITS CUSE YOUR A SILLY LITTLE BITCH

JEFF: ok guys im sorry for freakin out on you

FREAK: YEA THATS CUZE YOUR A LITTLE BITCH

CLOWN: ILL FUCKIN WHOOP YOUR ASS BITCH

DOUGH: AND I WILL HELP HIM

CLOWN: I DONT NEED YOUR HELP BUT IF WE ALL JUST JUMP HIM HE HAS NO CHANCE

DOUGH: THATS RITE LETS GET HIM

FREAK: IM NOT IN THIS I AM OUT FOR MYSELF

CLOWN: WELL WHEN WE ARE DONE WITH HIM WE COMIN FER YOU

DOUGH: I AINT FUCKIN WIT HIM

CLOWN YOUR GONNA BITCH OUT ON ME

DOUGH: NO IF YOU WANNA GET CUT GO FOR IT HES GOOD AT CUTTIN I KNOW

CLOWN: ok then fuck all of you im gone poof

FREAK: ME TOO AAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

DOUGH: WATCH YOUR BACK YOU FUCKIN BITCH IM WATCHIN YOU

JEFF: man go fuck yourself im out

DOUGH: so im all alone what to do now...... ehh fuck it wher is my knife

DOUGH: I WANNA SEE BLOOD AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH FUCKIN LOTS OF BLOOD ALL OVER THE WALLS AND BED AND FLOOR JUST EVERY WHERE FUCKIN DIE BITCHES HA HA HA AH AH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA.....HELLO

DOUGH: HELLO???

DOUGH: ..............

DOUGH: ...............

DOUGH: ................YEA WELL FUCK THER IS NUTTIN TO DO HERE FUCK IT IM OUT THIS BITCH ASS PLACE

thies bad habbits are hard to quit

man im tired of bein depressed so i think i am gonna give it up fer a while atleast i dont know but ive been told if you live this way you wont get old so fer awhile im gonna try to be happy ha that sounds funny i gotta try to be happy it dont come natural its fuckin work fer me i wonder what alex is doin shes prolly sleepin man i dont know i wonder what jazzy is doin she is prolly sleepin rite now they both prolly are i wonder what emly is doin well she is prolly conformin with the others all goin to bed and shit man tonite was the shit i wonder if alex called my mom didnt say anyone called so prolly not but when im done i will check if she did ill call her tomarrow

sara i wonder what sara is doin i havent thought of her fer a long time i need to call her some time but i wont i know i wont i never do

man i dont need to be thinkin of all thies wemon im gonna get all depressed and shit ha ha ha i think that is why im so sad all the time i fucked up too many wemon....nah fuck that i didnt do shit so fuck off sorry that wasnt me man


out

Monday, September 20, 2004

bad habbits die hard

man i dont know anymore i say that alot i wanna go do something but my head hurts but i think im still gonna go out skateboardin soon if noone cool gets on im outta here in a few mins i just got done babysittin i do that alot too man im a fuckin loser fuckin bitch whats up huh i think i shouldnt talk to myself anymore maybe the voices in my head will dissapear but then again they might just get worse leave me all alone ther aint nobodie callin on my telephone cuze i ripped that bitch up oit the wall i dont remeber and how did my memorie leave me and all they did was hate me and break me something is wrong wit me will it last fer eterniy i cant be who i need to be please dont walk away i want you to hear what i gotta say i never had noone ever ther for me i never had anyone to care for me if its faulse then why dont the demons just dissapear and why am i seein them crystal clear ther is something wrong wit me will it last for eternity why dont they just leave me alone somethings wrong inside my head i cant be alone i think my music fucks wit my head alot like really bad i wanna talk to alex
i wonder what is goin on downtown i bet i know not a damn thing this towns sucks balls alex needs to be here i yea well i got my reasons fer not finishin that thought then she poured me my pain in a dirty glass well i bit off more then i could chew the first day i met her

you got me high but you left me low well its all in the past bitch cuse now i got it big

darcy darcy darling dear you left me diein cryin here with wiskey gin and pints off beer i feel for you my darling dear my dear my dear DARCY DARCY MY DARLING DEAR

fear in me so deep it gets the best of me in the fear i fall here it comes face to face with me i feel this wounds step down step down step can i break away push me away make me fall just to see another side of me you cant see what i see the other side of me fall back on me that will be the strength i need to save me now just come face to face with me just stay in place youll be the first to see me heal thes wounds step down am i breakin down can i break away push me away make me fall just to see another side of mepush me away you cant see what i see the other side of me

i fell for you my darling

man i dont know what to do now i am kinda tired but not really i think i need to take some more pills ha ha ha last nite i was talkin to jazzy and emly and they said that i just wine alot in my blogg about alex and kd thats so fuckin true but its funny besides its not the only thing i talk about i put songs and shit in here too i also just kinda zone out and not pay attention to what i am writein but yea im fuckin board i think im gonna go now im fuckin out

Sunday, September 19, 2004

THATS FUCKIN BULLSHIT

man all i wanted today was to hang out wit alex then when i did see her she left me its ok tho it wasnt her fault but then i saw her again and she left me again and didnt come back that time i so wanted to talk to her about something but its too late now so fuck it fer now ill get around to it some time just not now im sorry alex if i sound mad or something im not im just drunk and dissapointed i so wanted you tonite like i was all like feindin fer you and shit you prolly think it is werid but yea i was i already miss you and i cant wait till i see you again and shit i really hope it is sooner than a fuckin week thats a long ass time but yea write me or email me or something i wanna hear from you soon

im so drunk and high i need to go to bed but i wont be able to sleep now im gonna be thinkin about alex all nite and shit ehh o well at least i can pretend she is here i will hold my pillows and shit tonite and think it is alex man i am thinkin alot about alex like a whole lot its fucked up but i dont mind

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I AM GONNA GO INSAINE NOW ALEX LEFT ME AND DIDNT COME BACK IM GONNA BE MAD NOW FER LIKE AT LEAST 5 MINUTES BUT YEA IM OUT THIS SHIT

FUCK OFF EVERYONE

alex you dont have to if you dont wanna
and yea everyone else i fuckin hate me

Saturday, September 18, 2004

everytime i run away

i know now that i will never be who i want to be so i have to just settle for bein what i am i cant change me now its gone to far any more and i wont be me so im fucked i can live like this for awhile i dont mean to be like this i just am i dont know what to do about it i need some help i need someone to be ther for me and i know that it wont happen so i gotta just kinda fake it like always im always fakein that im happy when im not but if everyone knew what i do then i would be alone and i dont think that i can stand that sometimes i wonder why i like this and everytime i find out i dont know why i just am maybe someday i will be normall but not today or anyday soon this way of livin might suck ass but its got its good points its not all great and shit but the times it is makes it all worth it but sometime i gotta do something with my life even if it is endin it

sorry thats just how it is im fuckin crazy this is bullshit i hate me i wanna die i need to die im gonna die just not now.............................................i guess

Friday, September 17, 2004

i wish it would rain

ha its rainin again i just wanted to say that i tryed to call alex last nite but the phone was busy so i didnt get to talk to her but i got to see her and talk to her so it wasnt that bad but ehh im sorry fer not gettin a hold of you after we went skatein oh hells yea i broke my deck last nite well masen did i dont weigh enuf to break it fatass i need to go on a diet again man i wanna see alex but yea im gone

Tuesday, September 14, 2004

i dont know what the fuck i am talkin about

its so hard when you lose in life
but its even harder when you just hang on to the pain
and let that shit eat away at your brain
but fuck it i cant complain
i am just the same
i want to end all the pain
but ther is nottin that i havent tryed
see my body is still alive my my soul already died
yea im dont with that i should be a rapper and shit
i dont have any fuckin skills man im fuckin done fuck it im out peace

the rain

i love it when it rains its so depressing and yea i do wanna go and see her dude but yea i love the rain sunshine blue skys please go away my girl has found another and gone away with her went my future my life is filled with gloom so day after day i stay locked up in my room i know to you it might sound strange but i wish it would rain cuze so badly i wanna go outside but everyone knows that a man aint supost to cry but i gotta cry cuze cryin easies the pain i wish it would rain cuze the rain drops would hide my tears drops and noone will ever know that i am cryin when i go outside that is the shit man yea masen get a hold of me sometime so we can figure out how i am gonna see alex man i am board now i wanted someone to be on so i could talk to them but aint nobodie on this shit i am board like really bad i should just go back to bed and lay ther and think but that aint gonna help nuttin but oh well fuck it i dont know what i am gonna do so i think i will just sit here and kinda just space out and write in here i wanna go and play in the rain i havent done that since like me and jazzy went and played in the rain a long time ago like at the beginin of the summer that was long ago it was fun tho i dont know what i am gonna do but i am done writein in this shit fer now i am gonna check some shit so yea im out

i am vindicated i am selfish i am wrong i am rite i swear i am rite swear i knew it all along and i am flawed but i am cleanin up so well i am seein in me what you swear you saw yourself

im out

Monday, September 13, 2004

ha told ya

yea i dont know what i want i do know that i want something but ehh i was happy fer most of the day but like i said it wouldnt last long im already in a bad mood its bullshit but it happens man fuck it im dont thinkin im fuckin board man alex should get on so i can talk to her dont have much to say here in this blog so i am gonna go now

i am happy

man im high i ate i sleep all day im not sure but i think im in a good mood it different i had this dream tho that i can member and well i woke up from it all like hell no in my dream i sent kd my letter and she wrote back then she got out then she had a prob and came to me to talk then we ran away and started a life and then i woke up it was freaky im not sure if i liked it but im in a good mood now all my depressin musik is just really cool now its not depressin rite now its kinda fittin i like it last nite was fun too but yesterday sucked ass man i think i like bein happy but i know it wont last too long and then im gonna go back to bein like really depressed and confused but today it all makes sence i almost forgot what it was like to be happy but know i member i also member why i dont like it it will not last but for now it will do...

Sunday, September 12, 2004

alex alex alex alex

alex whats happinin i havent talked to you in a while i was wonder how your are and shit i dont know im dumb i wanna hear from you but yea i dont know what to say so im out uhh write me sometime or some shit

im goin to souix city

well im goin souix city today to see my neice man i got to many neices

but yea i will be back later peace out people

this song is so fuckin cool

Say Goodbye To A Tangerine Sky Say Hello Say Hello To Tomorrow When You Say Goodbye To A Tangerine Sky You Lose Your Pain Lose Your Fear Lose Your Sorrow (d-loc) What If You Were Livin Yours Instead Of Hatin Mine Findin Truth And Spreadin Love And Searchin Deep Inside See Me Glidin Swiftly To That Place I Need To Be That Home Grown Irie Zone Harvesting My Seeds (richter) I’m Gonna Live My Life From Day To Night With No Hesitation Make The Best Of Every Situation That I Find Myself Placed In Decidin Right From Wrong, Choosing My Final Destination Cause When It’s Said And Done, It’s Just Yourself That You Are Facin’ (refrain) Say Goodbye To A Tangerine Sky Say Hello Say Hello To Tomorrow When You Say Goodbye To A Tangerine Sky You Lose Your Pain Lose Your Fear Lose Your Sorrow (d-loc) Say Say Say Good-bye To Tomorrow Wash Your Sorrow Live And Learn Listen Up And Follow Do What You So Let Me Rock It I Be Dammed If You Think You Gonna Stop It Popo It Drop It D-loc Get Up On It Don’t You Think Your Sink Cause You Can’t Call It I Be The One That Balled You Up In College Killa Cross Just Brake You Down Kottonmouth Kings On The Radio Now Make You Think When You See My Face D-loc With Style And Grace I-i-i Wanna Touch The Sky Unleash Control Wanna Feel Time Travel Real Threw My Soul Wanna Ride Real High Wanna Lay Real Low Independent Free Thought Control My Zone My Zones Full Blown Like A Plant Full Grown Transform Myself Thru This Microphone Hold Up Change That Tone Johnny Richter Come Thru With Your Barritone (richter) It’s Time To Open Up Your Eyes And Catch Sight Cause You Could Wake Up In The Morning, And Not Make It To The Night Take Advantage Of Your Life, You Only Get One Try You Gonna Be Satisfied Today If Tonight You Died? Well I’m Not That Guy, I Keep My Blood Runnin’ You Say You’ve Had Enough, And I Say Keep It Comin Now You’re Bummed Because You’re Done And You’re Left All Alone Should’ve Known Livin Blown You’d End Up Like A Clone Whaatttt! (refrain) Say Goodbye To A Tangerine Sky Say Hello Say Hello To Tomorrow When You Say Goodbye To A Tangerine Sky You Lose Your Pain Lose Your Fear Lose Your Sorrow (d-loc) It’s Not A Place On Any Map It’s Kaya Meditation That Home Grown Herbal Zone Peaceful Medication At Peace No Understandin No Condition But Love At Peace All Accepting To The Sky Above So... (refrain) Say Goodbye To A Tangerine Sky Say Hello Say Hello To Tomorrow When You Say Goodbye To A Tangerine Sky You Lose Your Pain Lose Your Fear Lose Your Sorrow(x6)

Saturday, September 11, 2004

the way i am

When I’m alone I start to think,
When I’m alone I start to remember,
Times when I was on the brink,
The day when I left my lover,
Times when I just had to break,
The day when it was all over,
Times when I acted like a freak,
I swear I can get better,

Now your gone, I know now that I was wrong,
I miss your face, The way your lips taste,
I need you in my life, I need to put down this fucking knife,

I knew that I just couldn’t deal,
I knew that I just shouldn’t feel,
I thought I knew just what I was getting into,
I thought It was really for real,
I know now that im just a big fool,
I thought I would know just what to do,

Now your gone, I know now that I was wrong,
I miss your face, The way your lips taste,
I need you in my life, I need to put down this fucking knife,

Before this life gets the best of me,
I had to do something to make you see,
Before you leave again,
This is how I really am,
This is how I really am ,
This is how I really am,

This...is...how...I ...AM!



man i am fuckin out ther

day three and no sleep i wonder why i cant sleep well last nite i think it was the pills but the nite befor and befor that i dont know why i was so tired til i layed down then i was awake well i need to get high like really bad now i think after i get high i will prolly zone out and ride my bike around fer a long time till i think i can sleep

i wonder how alex is i havent talked to her fer a long time well like 2 days but yea thats like 48 hours and shit and i was awake the whole time so it seemed like forever but yea i hope she ok she prolly is but yea im done here

i need sleep i need sleep mind not rite need sleep

man i didnt sleep last nite i am gettin tired of this i need to sleep man i was smokein pot all nite and shit and i still didnt go to sleep i started writein a song and sit some time i am gonna write tabs fer it but yea damn im fuckin babysittin man i better not have to babysit all day that will piss me off but i think i might get some pot fer babysittin so that will be kool but if not i am gonna eat a roach and shit and zone out and ride my bike around like all day on of theis days ill track you down but till then im just gonna breakdown you make me break down i dont wanna live like that no

darcy darcy darlin dear you left me dieing crying here wiskey, gin, and pints of beer

man that song is so fuckin cool

man i need a life

i need sleep

you wernt the first to court me and you wont be the last
well im sure of that i know all bout your past

im just a feind and a cheat but thats all in the past bitch cuze now i got it made

dreams by zug izland i love this song

Are you climbing up a slippery pole? (pole)
Falling deep in a hole? (Deep in a hole)
Falling down
Are you lost in an exitless maze
Chasing impossible ways?
Are you running up a slippery hill?
Are you going to spill?
Can't you build a snowman in the desert?
Are you chasing an imaginary treasure?
Walls, they go under and they're over the top (over the top)
They haven't made a cage strong enough to keep them keep them keep them (Keep them)
Mountains are enormous, but they all have a top
It's up to someone with a dream to come and reach them reach them reach them (Reach them)
It's just a dream
You're only dreaming
Another dream
Will love be yours, if so, will it last?
When the summer's past, summers past (Yeah)
When you're alone, staring up at the moon (Up at the moon)
Is it staring at you (staring at you)
You're like a dime you didn't mean to spend
Will you ever see it again? (See it again)
Walls, they go under then they're over the top (Over the top)
They haven't made a cage strong enough to keep them keep them keep them (Keep them)
Mountains are enormous, but they all have a top
It's up to someone with a dream to come and reach them reach them reach them (Come reach them)
It's just a dream
You're only dreaming
Another dream
[More French, saying something about a carnival]
Walls, they go under then they're over the top (Over the top)
They haven't made a cage strong enough to keep them keep them keep them (Strong enough to keep them)
Mountains are enormous, but they all have a top (All have a top)
It's up to someone with a dream to come and reach them reach them reach them (Come and reach them)
Yeah, come and reach them
Only a dream
It's just a dream
It's just a dream
And then they go on in your head and you would scream
Holding back your dreams
Yeah, ohh, holding back your dreams
Yeah, hold always dreaming never always dreaming


Friday, September 10, 2004

so let me slip away

man i love this song vindicated is the fuckin shit but like all good songs it makes me think good bye happyness hello depression

well damn

no it wont be like that i will still see you two some times but prolly not as much but i will talk to you two on the phone or the internet prolly the internet i dont like phones but yea

man im a wuss

man i am sorry jazzy im a wussy but ehh maybe it was better this way but i dont know thats kinda your call maybe some time but just not now who knows man my head hurts i think those pills are messin up my eyes or i need to clean my glasses yep just my glasses i hate them but yea i just got on to see if i had emails and shit so im gonna go now

well ali

ali has nothin to say thanks fer makin it so clear no im just playin but yea i hope you start to feel better maybe you should listin to that song i sent you a long ass time ago but yea i also have nothin to say so im gonna go now
peace dawg

man what a fucked up nite

yea well i can not sleep i dont get it i was so tired today i forced myself to stay awake and then when i did go to go to sleep i got alot of energy fer some fuckin reason i dont know but i do need to get some sleep tonite i gots shit to do tomarrow i gotta go try to find a job and shit i need to take a letter to butters house i need to talk to jazzy i need to talk to alex and ali and i will prolly need to find some money fer tomarrow i dont know i hope shit dont go badly tomarrow i need to have a good day i havent had a good day fer a long time i have had some good nites and shit but that is different i need like a good day and a good nite just one and i will be happy fer a while man i wanna talk to someone im fuckin board and shit i wonder if ali or alex will get on soon i dont think they will i guess ali had a bad nite im sorry baby i hope you are ok but yea ther aint really anything i can do about it now i wonder if this is gonna fuck shit up wit me and alex i mean well ther aint much between us but i dont want to lose it man that would suck ass like badly man today i fuckin skateboarded too much i was skatein like all day and shit

blowin trees lookin chinesse hopein that the cops aint tailin me

2nd hand smoke and shit

well alex is on i wonder if she will talk to me hells yea she is but i dont think she will fer long well we will find out well it wasnt that long but it was better than nuttin i hope ther ok

my mind is uncontrolable and it freaks out on everyone that gets close
man i think i need to get my pills and take another dose
befor i go out and take out all my agression on random fools
just cuze every mutha fucka be breakin the rules
its like everything ive ever done all the time i always lose
gettin beat down in alleyways gettin cut and havein to tend to the bruses
both inside and out
i just cant take all the pain i just stand in the dark and shout
at the top of my lungs tryin to make other feel my pain
is it just me or is it my fucked up brain i dont know
i cant seem to grow
everyone else seems to glow
with ther happy little lifes
and ther happy little wifes
happy kids and even a happy ass dog
im bouts to kill that mutha fucka
i dont wanna be the only one that cant be happy so im gonna just kill em all till
ther is noone left to make me unhappy
man why dose life have to be so crappy
and thats why im leavin this shit far behind me

Thursday, September 09, 2004

yea try this fuckers

acid drop to back side shovit to front side shovit to ollie to anit-casper to casper flip to circus act that shit is cool i was doin it today tony has almost got it too its great

man i stayed awake just to see you

hey baby i stayed awake all day just to see you and you left thats ok i guess i cnat have you around all the time that would be selfish so yea besides i gotta wait fer like 11 mo months and shit thats a long time but fuck it i think if it is ment to be it will and if not then well it wont

i wrote kd today now i just gotta take it over to butters house and give it to his mom so she can take it to kd and then i dont know if she will even write back i hope she dose but i kinda feel better now that i said some things to her and she hasnt even gotten the letter but everylittle bit helps

i talked to emly today that went well i guess she gave me a kiss on the check then slapped me it was great but yea im done here


peace out

i hate everyone

nah just most i dont feel good i didnt sleep well last nite i was thinkin and shit i hate fuckin thinkin i dont know why but i had a dream about ali and alex last nite and i also drempt about kd it was bad i think im gonna get all depressed again from it i think i should write her i havent wrote her since she said she has nuttin to say to me but ther is so much that i need to say to her just so that i can get her out of my head i know thats why i keep thinkin about her but i dont wanna realize that i fucked it all up and it is all my fault but ehh shit happens and no matter how much i say that it dont help me none the only time that i dont think about her is when i am with alex
alex is the shit that girl kept me saine so many times and she dont know it yet til she reads this so ahh thanks but yea im a joker im a smoker im a midnite toker i think i should go to the skatepark today i wonder if masen and butters wanna go ther wit me i am fuckin sick man my nose is all fucked up and i keep hackin up flem and shit man thats fuckin gross i get my lovin on the run people keep talkin about me baby say im doin you wrong dont worrie no dont worrie mama cuze im rite here at home thats fuckin rite how did he know that pickin your nose was freash

thats my family criminals and weirdos outkasts and freakshows and members of the carnival wicked clowns and dead folks thats my family

man yea im gonna go now
peace dawg if you ever in the woods again dont hesatate to look a thug up

you can try to get as close as you can but you will never get as close as the hatchet

Wednesday, September 08, 2004

i wonder if she hates me now

man i havent herd from emly i wonder if she just dont like me no mo she done talk to me no mo so i dont know maybe she just hasnt got nuttin to say to me i dont know but yea im gonna talk to ali fer a min

Tuesday, September 07, 2004

im so happy

she had me thinkin i was some sort of a mac when infact im just another nigga who could hit it from the back says:
yea
she had me thinkin i was some sort of a mac when infact im just another nigga who could hit it from the back says:
is shane gonna get mad if i see you
aLeX says:
hes not gonna no
aLeX says:
k
she had me thinkin i was some sort of a mac when infact im just another nigga who could hit it from the back says:
ok
she had me thinkin i was some sort of a mac when infact im just another nigga who could hit it from the back says:
i dont talk to him
aLeX says:
k

im tired

hey alex that was with ali she started talkin after i said peace but yea i dont quite member what we talked about cuze after i went and got drunk and high skatin aroud it was fun we punked some fools out that are spost to have some problems wit us but they didnt say a damn thing it was funny i woke up today and fuckin got on the inter net and this one girl started talkin to me and shit i havent talked to her in a long time but now i think im gonna go and take a showere and shit and go out

Monday, September 06, 2004

i like the phrase " freaky stalker crazy obsessed"

ok i will come down a visit you sometime and im glad that you dont think im scary and well i might be slightly obsessed wit you but not like freaky stalker crazy obsessed but yea i think of you alot and shit im just werid i think but yea your coment was the highlight of my day it made me happy and now i think im gonna go


peace out


you cant see what i see the other side of me fall back on me that will be the strengh i need says:
hey whats up
if i dont speak its cuze i got disconnected says:
fine then
if i dont speak its cuze i got disconnected says:
ill just talk to you anyway
if i dont speak its cuze i got disconnected says:
im board
if i dont speak its cuze i got disconnected says:
man i gotta hang out with my family today
if i dont speak its cuze i got disconnected says:
its gonna sux
fuck a mutha fuckin twix bitch id rather run with a gang of lunitics thats now known as twizted says:
but yea i think im gonna go now
fuck a mutha fuckin twix bitch id rather run with a gang of lunitics thats now known as twizted says:
it was nice talkin to you
fuck a mutha fuckin twix bitch id rather run with a gang of lunitics thats now known as twizted says:
maybe i can do it again later
fuck a mutha fuckin twix bitch id rather run with a gang of lunitics thats now known as twizted says:
tell alex i said hi and peace out dawg
fuck a mutha fuckin twix bitch id rather run with a gang of lunitics thats now known as twizted says:
peace out
madrox twizted fer life east side

it just kinda funny

Jeff---im not a very funny clown says:

Jxxii---only funny looking Jeff! says:

Jeff---im gonna cry and fuck up my face paint says:

Jxxii---sorry.. i love you Jeff... dont cry! says:

Jxxii---sorry.. i likes you lots Jeff... dont cry!;)says:

Jeff---ssshhhhh its a secret says:

Jxxii---sorry.. i wont tell! says:

Jeff---damn im old says:

Jxxii---YES GRANDPA.... says

damn

well damn i was sleepin when yous was on man i prolly wont be on much today cuze it is my neices b-day so i got to hang out wit my family that will be cool i bet i sneek off and get high that reminds me i need to get a hold of somebodie to get some pot or i will have to do that latter i dont know but yea i wish i could have talked to alex last nite i was wonderin some things like dose she think i am obseesed wit her and do i scare her and well that kinda what i have been thinkin about fer like a day or two but well damn i dont know i think im gonna get drunk already i woke up and took a shot so i guess i could get drunk befor noon and skateboard till i gotta go to my family thingy but yea ali and alex dont get on till like late man i was on off and on all day yesterday but yea ill get on some time tonite like 10- 11 or so but yea fer now i am out this shit

Sunday, September 05, 2004

da da da

man im so fuckin board i wanna go some where but i dont know where i had fun today i was out thinkin and skateboardin it was great i just made a new cd and i think it will send me into a werid ass mood its cool but it makes me think like ther is this song on ther call dont hate me its by the get up kids its so the shit but yea im just killin time hopefully ali or alex will get on but yea im done im gonna go and talk wit jazzy fer awhile

yea man its fuckin cold

i was out skateboardin in the rain and now im all cold and shit and i need to talk to roger and shit so i can get some drugs and i wanna get high so im out this shit

yea thats it

ok well im done here but who said what the fuck on my blog about shane convo but yea thats all i was wonderin so im done here i think oh yea hello alex and hello ali and hello to the rachel chick that i dont know but yea now peace out

Saturday, September 04, 2004

i wondered all day if i should be mad

i was thinkin alot today and well i still dont know if i should be mad so i wont do nuttin i will just sit and bleed but ehh it aint that bad but yea i dont know if i should be talkin about this so im done i will talk to someone about it sometime who knows

funny

~**~ says:
hey jeff did u know i m dating alex right now......!
i saw alex that shit was kool says:
ok and you are
~**~ says:
yea i m...
i saw alex that shit was kool says:
ok and what is your point
~**~ says:
she tells me everyday how u scare the shit outta her
i saw alex that shit was kool says:
dont care
~**~ says:
k then dont be so obsesed
~**~ says:
with ehr
i saw alex that shit was kool says:
well im not
~**~ says:
k then i dont wanna hear u sending her fucked up e-mails like how u wanna fuck her ans shit aint kool
i saw alex that shit was kool says:
well i still dont care
~**~ says:
k then...

im so depressed

i never laughed so hard until i cried i laughed alot all you ever do is bring me down ha ha ha ha ha i cant stop laughin and turn my happy smile into a frown ha ha ha ha you keep on tellin me that youll be im im slobberin on myself ha ha ha well dont let the front door hit you when your stupid hahaha ha ha o man o somebodie call a doctor my gut hurts cuze im laughin so much and i dont know hey stop it ha ha ha ha i bet ya i can learn to take another drink of my pop ha ha ha ha ha thats it what ya gotta know everbodie










you know you make me break down all thies thoughts and shit and i cant even act on them cuze well your not here and if you would i know what you would do and i dont wanna do that again im still not rite from the frist time you crushed my dreams and now i gotta just go and live a life that has absolutly no point to it i just do nuttin all the time i always think of you... but i cant live like that now so GO AWAY!!!! you made me break down made me breakdown i dont wanna live like that made me break down made me break down made me break down and now im GONE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!





i find it kinda funny i find it kinda sad the dreams in which im dyeing are the best ive ever had no tomarrow

Friday, September 03, 2004

kick fuckin ass

hells yea like three people read my shit and masen and emly so thats like 5 mutha fuckas

man i am startin to hate the hottness

man i was out skatein awhile ago and now i am all feelin sick i think i got to hot out ther man its fuckin hott out side

im so cool

yea bitches alex is the only one that read that shit whats up

Thursday, September 02, 2004

im like tony hawk,. . .only better!

man i wonder just how many people read this shit so like if you are readin this leave you name.... or i will go insaine and freak out AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH yea like that and shit only worse but yea i was at the skatepark and shit today i was doin alot of tricks on the quarter pipe like some 5-0s 50-50s and axle stalls and lip slides and and some other shit and on the ground i was bustin out some pimpin by goin into a casper to casper flip and rollin to the kicker then pivot into a manual and cruze away i was all tryin to make a line at the skatepark but i only got like half of what i wanted i fucked up on the rails and that fuckin box i hate that box i have never landed anything on it its fuckin bullshit man but i will sometime but yea im gonna go and get high now so peace the fuck out dawg

ima slacker

yea i dont know why i am even writin in here i guess just cuse i havent fer awhile and i thought i might have something to say but i dont i havent been to sleep just kinda been boozein it pretty hardcore i went to court drunk i was plannin that since like yesterday that little flask is the shit i was gettin drunk skatein home from masens this monin and a cop all looked at me funny but yea im out shit damn............ nigga

Wednesday, September 01, 2004

just fuckin thinkin in da mo-ning

man im fuckin tired and my leg hurts and i gotta fuckin babysit cuse my sister is fuckin late and ill be mad if i gotta babysit for a long time i wanna go back to bed i dont wanna be awake i was havein a good ass dream it was the shit i dont know wher i was or who i was with but it was kool i was a felon in my dream so yea but now i dont know my sister better fuckin hurry up man if she is in jail i am gonna fuckin flip out on her when she gets out as long as im not in jail i wonder what alex has been up to lately and i wonder if i should call sara i have been planin on it fer like a couple months but everytime i get close to callin i stop myself rite befor i guess i just dont wanna have to deal with all the emotions and shit so i just kinda keep my distance i found out that kd might not be home for a long time that sucks but in a way it is good i do need to talk to her like really bad so i can quit thinkin about her all the time man i dont even know why i think about her all the time i mean she fuckin hates me like really bad she has nothin to say to me but i got alot to say to her so yea i guess once again im just fuck so fuck it im gonna go and find something to drink i need drugs man me and nesam did alot of fuckin drugs the last two days it was fun but yea i think me and masen might be goin to cushin some time like soon that will be cool but yea as fer now im out this shit